The Continuing Storm: A Nat and Alyssa Story: Part Seven

[naughtylilgirl09]

The Continuing Storm: Part Seven: A Nat and Alyssa Story

It was the start of another day, they were all beginning to blend together. Just one big blob of white. Everything had been shut down now and looked to be staying that way. Even when the storm did let up, the pace at which everything would reopen was undetermined. This area just wasn’t equipped for a storm of this magnitude.

Neither was their kitchen, Nat thought to himself as he went through the kitchen that morning, making a mental inventory of things. While his family was fairly consistent with weekly trips to the grocery store, they didn’t stock up on much, didn’t buy in bulk, and most certainly were not prepared to be in this situation.

While brewing some much needed coffee, and cooking the food, that he had managed to find, that would pass as a healthy breakfast, Nat paused, for a moment, when he heard movement upstairs. A quick glance over at the microwave told him it was just a little before nine. He’d been up for three hours already. Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes, and filled his mug with steaming hot coffee. She was asking for his help, nearly, literally begging for it. While he’d like to work more self-discipline, structure and routine into Alyssa’s life, he knew he’d have to be patient, go slow. Just taking away, or rather, limiting the amount of caffeine she drank was a huge item. Frankly, he was quite surprised that they hadn’t gone through WWIII over it or during the withdrawal stage.

Sitting down at the small table he took the few minutes he had left to himself to thing. Rules and consequences, structure, accountability, all things he grew up with, his friends had grown up with, his daughter was growing up with. It still boggled the mind how this concept was brand new to her personal life. He had never quite believed her all the times she had told him, tried to explain it to him throughout those very long discussions they used to have at school. At the time he couldn’t conceptualize the idea of anyone growing up in such a fashion, he just wasn’t able to see it. Even now, sometimes he still couldn’t, not really. Not when he tried to imagine her life as a child.

However, while he might not be able to picture it, he did believe her about accountability, lack of it, and so many other things in her life. Nat had to wonder, all those times she’d pushed, or said something that caused him to kick her out. When he’d become furious with her and she’d act confused as to why, and then ten minutes later reappear apologizing, acting like she had just figured it out. All those times he had been sure that she had been acting, putting on a show to get what she wanted. How many of those times, he wondered, was she just being herself, not acting. He was beginning to think it was a pretty high number. Seeing this side of her, knowing this new side of her, it opened up a whole list of questions for him to think about.

But all the questions would have to wait a bit. He was pulled from his thoughts as Alyssa stumbled into the kitchen, her hair a mess, eyes red, and one hand slowly rubbing her bottom. Working hard to keep the smile off his face, Nat pushed the empty chair out from under the table with his foot, an inviting gesture. Telling Alyssa to come have a seat, he got up and told her that he’d get her coffee and protein shake if she’d like.

Alyssa watched as he pushed the chair out and gestured for her to come over, telling her that he’d get her coffee and protein shake. Was he offering because he wanted to get the morning meal out of the way? She didn’t remember the end of last night, not all of it. Nat had stopped at 30, she had thought she would die at that point, or at least pass out, and he had picked her up. But that was about all her memory had for her. Was that it? Was she forgiven? Were there more punishments? Dawgonne brain, her memory used to be so amazing she’d claim it was photographic and now she couldn’t even remember pieces of entire events. Early Alzheimer’s?

‘It’d have to be really, really, really early onset Alzheimer’s’ that little sarcastic voice in her head remarked.

She couldn’t seem to move from the doorway to the kitchen, so instead she just leaned against the door jamb. She was truly sorry for what she had done. Nat seemed to realize something was wrong, he usually did, and came over to her. It took a minute, and his pulling her chin off her chest so that she was practically looking skyward, to look up at him. That 6 foot and change height advantage really wasn’t fair sometimes.

“Lyssa, what’s wrong?” his voice was gentle and concerned, not the way it had been the past two and a half days. That was a good sign. Still there were tears coming to her eyes as she tried to look down, to the side, anywhere except up at Nat. Since he had a vice like grip on her chin and he wasn’t letting go either, that was exactly where she had to direct her eyes. He didn’t appear to be ready to let go anytime soon, either. Not to get her a tissue, to wipe away her tears, nothing. He was in his ‘I want an explanation mode’. Alyssa hated that one.

Blinking hard, trying to stop the random tears that had escaped, she finally managed to, quietly, say, “I don’t remember what happened after you picked me up to give me a hug. I tried, I really did. I just don’t. So…um, am I going to be punished more today? I mean, not more, but do you, you, you have to, you know, finish my punishment today? I’m not trying to give you attitude, I, I, I just don’t remember, and I’d like to know, because I just want to do whatever I have to, to like, uh, be punished so that you’ll forgive me. Because I just want you to forgive me, Nat.”

She felt Nat let go of her chin, just as her tears began to flow. What she didn’t expect was for him to pick her up and carry her into the living room, to one of the larger chairs that, over the past number of days, he’d sat in, and held her, numerous times after a spanking. After taking a seat, he gently positioned her on his lap, reaching over for a blanket that he carefully wrapped around her, before pulling her even closer to him. Alyssa was just sobbing, not really noticing the blanket, or that they were in the living room.

When she had calmed down a bit, she remained silent, waiting for Nat to speak. It didn’t take more than 30 seconds for him to fill her in on what she had seemingly forgotten. That, no, there were no more punishments, at least for that incident, and, yes, he absolutely forgave her. That he had stopped at 30 because he could tell she had learned the necessary lesson there wasn’t any need to continue. To do so would have crossed the line past punishment into abuse territory. That he was proud of her for taking responsibility for her actions, and accepting her punishment the way she had in the past days, and the way she had been willing to that morning. Lastly, the two of them were going to have a talk sometime that afternoon, but he didn’t want her to worry about it.

The minute the words about ‘a talk’ left his lips, Nat felt her body tense up. He kissed the top of her head and ran his hand up and down her arm in an act of comfort. “I don’t want you to worry about it Alyssa, you just woke up, so you haven’t had much time to get yourself into any mischief. Not yet at least.”

He heard a small laugh and felt the tension leave the small body curled up in his chest.

All in all, it was a quiet morning. Nat held Alyssa in his arms until he was sure that she was doing all right, or as all right as possible given the state of her bum. Around mid-morning he got them both into the kitchen, preparing her protein shake and coffee for her, anything to ensure that there was some sort of nutrition in the small girl’s body. Carrying the two glasses over to the table, he found Alyssa still standing next to the chair that he had pushed out, so many hours earlier that morning. She eyed it like a challenge, glared at it like an evil demon, or really like she used to glare at him when she was ticked off. It didn’t take too long to put the pieces together on that one. Sore bottom, hard wood chair, Alyssa didn’t want to sit down.

Nat let her process everything for a few more moments, letting her have the time she needed to work up the mental fortitude to convince herself to sit down. After three minutes she was still standing. That was enough of the nonsense. He cleared his throat loudly causing Alyssa to look over in his direction. He could see in her eyes, immediately the look that told him she was searching her mind to figure out what she had done wrong. Instead of diving into a long conversation with her, Nat simply reached over, took hold of her arm and pulled her towards him, until she was close enough that he could pick her up and place her back on his lap. She adjusted herself a bit, but it was obviously better than the hard chair she had been avoiding. He handed her the protein shake and she didn’t fight him on it.

While the entire exchange had been silent, there was so much that was communicated between them both. To his relief things remained quiet, drama-free for what was left of the morning. Nat didn’t let Alyssa out of his sight, he was aware that she was a bit nervous and unsure of things.

Nat was being sweet. To be honest, even though he had been like this for days, it still totally made her nervous. It had taken her years to get used to the old version of him. The one from school that was always yelling, always on her case, always mad at her. Now there was this new version. This nice version of him, the one that wasn’t the academic-counselor-only-and-pretend-I-don’t- know-you-otherwise version, where…well, if she really thought about it, like really, really thought about it the two versions weren’t all that different. Both versions of Nat were all about the rules, doing what was right, behaving, being healthy, respectful, taking responsibility, doing your best, blah, blah, blah.

But this new version, Alyssa just didn’t quite know what to make of him. Sure, he had cared about her back at State. He wouldn’t have taken the time to come up with the fake consequences or make her check in or email her professors the way he had, if he didn’t. However, Alyssa had always assumed that about 99 percent of the reason he did that was so he could get her to graduate and get rid of her.

To find herself in a situation where he kept telling her that he wouldn’t get rid of her. It truly had her a bit befuddled. Her brain worked overtime trying to figure it out as she pretended to read the mystery novel that she had selected from the family bookshelves. What was left of the morning was spent in the living room, both of them were reading books. Or at least Nat was. Alyssa was thinking and turning pages at a perfectly timed pace.

After what seemed like forever Nat stood up and announced that it was time for lunch. Sandwiches, again. Ham and cheese, it was becoming the everyday norm. Alyssa wished that he would let her make them into grilled ham and cheese or do something more interesting with them. But she had lost that right. She gave herself a mental kick as she sat down to eat the boring sandwich.

Lost in her thoughts, maybe that was how Nat always knew that she was unhappy about something, she got lost in her thoughts. The only thing that led Alyssa to this conclusion was the knowing smile spread across Nat’s face when he obviously said something to her, what it was she had no idea, but it pulled her out of her little world that she had disappeared into. Yes, that knowing look. She needed to figure out how to listen to people around her while she drifted into these different worlds of thought, it would make life so much easier.

“What’s wrong, Alyssa,” Nat asked as he took a bite of the sandwich. He watched as she began to play with her food, avoiding the question. Nat allowed her thirty seconds before he reached over and pulled the plate away. The mere action caused her to look up at him, and he was aware that the look he gave communicated everything needed. He asked a question, he expected an answer.

He still gave her time. Nat had learned long ago not to push Alyssa on these things. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before she said quietly, “I was just thinking about all the other cool things that could be made for lunch and how stupid I am for doing what I did, because I can’t cook now, so we’re going to eat sandwiches all the time.”

When she reached over to take her plate back, Nat surprised both himself and her by moving it further out of her reach. She looked at him, eyes wide and clearly questioning.

Sure, it wasn’t the best sandwich in the world, and, yes, Alyssa was tired of sandwiches, but it didn’t mean that she didn’t want to eat the lunch provided to her. Especially when Nat pulled that plate further away. It just made her want to eat the dang thing even more. When she looked up she could see the stern look that had appeared on Nat’s face. What on earth had she done now? Eating three meals a day was following one of his rules last time she had checked.

“Alyssa,” he said in that firm, rather decided tone that always made her flinch and want to go hide somewhere. “While I didn’t think it was necessary for this to be on the actual list of house rules, I will go back and add it, if need be. So I want you to listen to me very carefully, as I never want to have to discuss this with you again. The calling yourself stupid, fat, dumb, or any other self-deprecating remarks, that ends right now. I don’t want to hear them come from your mouth ever again. Am I understood?”

Alyssa just blinked. Three, four, five times in rapid succession. That was what she was in trouble for. Well, yeah, she could stop doing that out loud, she’d just do it in her head, no sweat. “Yes,” she said, attempting to reach for the plate. Nat pulled it even further away, it was as if he read her mind. “That includes your own thought process, young lady.”

Giving up on the sandwich, Alyssa sat back in the chair, looked at him like he had three heads and asked “huh?”

She was glad that the stern look left Nat’s face and was replaced with a small smile. He reached over and took hold of her hand, and though she hadn’t realized it before, she found the small gesture to be comforting. “Believe it or not, I know you quite well Alyssa. You’re the girl that turned yourself into the principal in high school,” Nat said, chuckling, while Alyssa felt herself beginning to turn red.

“You’re the student that forged a document and then showed up at my office the next day and confessed to it.” Nat didn’t just chuckle at that one, he out and out laughed. She didn’t think it was so funny. She remembered it quite clearly and she remembered how loud he had yelled, how mad he had been, how he had kicked her out of his office till she fixed it.

Nat got a hold of his laughter quickly, it had been hilarious that day she had shown up. Honestly the majority of them had been. Looking back at them all he could really do was laugh. But he noticed quickly that she didn’t laugh. At all, didn’t even smile. Some things, he supposed, were easier to laugh about when you are the person doing the lecturing, opposed to the one being lectured.

“The point is, Alyssa,” he gave her hand a light squeeze, and she looked up at him. “I know you, you’re honest about things like this. I can trust that if you have knowledge you’ve done something you know you should not have, you’ll come and tell me.”

He watched as her blush deepened a bit, but she finally gave him a quirky smile and said, “yeah.”

“So I know,” Nat continued, “that when I tell you that these self-barraging comments, whether out loud or in your head, they stop right now, I know that they will. Because I have full faith that when I ask you tomorrow how many of them you had in your own thoughts, you’ll give me the honest answer. Am I right?” He gave her hand another affectionate squeeze.

After a second Alyssa heaved a huge over dramatic sign, gave a half smile, half frown and said, “yeah you’re right.”

Letting go of her hand and sitting back in his chair, Nat pushed the plate back in front of her while he said, “it’s not a bad thing, Alyssa. It’s a great quality.”

Halfway through the first sandwich she smirked and replied, “try playing poker with that wonderful characteristic.” At that Nat started to laugh and soon Alyssa did too. Which was good, they both needed to.

Lunch was a quick affair. Dishes were cleared from the table and Alyssa went and sat in the living room.

Alyssa was starting to get nervous. Talk, they were supposed to have some sort of talk. Somehow whenever they had talks it never went well for her. A few seconds later Nat came in, he brought her a mug of steaming hot cocoa, which she simply held and blew gently on. It was far too hot to actually drink at the moment.

“Ok, Lyssa,” Nat said to her, his voice gentle but serious, “I know you don’t remember, but we did run into one thing last night that we now have to resolve.”

Alyssa searched her brain, oh she wished she could remember. She couldn’t. So she just looked at Nat conveying that her brain was blank.

She watched as Nat carefully set down the mug of steaming hot chocolaty liquid and sat back a moment, he was doing that thing that she hated. That thing where he seemed to be appraising her, like sizing her up or whatever. God she hated that. The room was totally silent except for the rustle of clothes when Alyssa turned to put her drink down on the side table as well. The more time that passed the more nervous she became. Nat had said she didn’t need to worry, but this whole silence thing, it always worried her.

Finally he broke the silence when he said, “Alyssa, yesterday, right before you came to tell me what you thought you deserved as a punishment, you went and cut a switch.”

Alyssa nodded, indicating that she was following.

“Where did you cut it from?” Nat asked her.

Oh, that one she didn’t expect, and she said the first thing that came to mind, “bedroom window.” It was a lie. The second it came out of her mouth she wanted to take it back. It was a lie, and Nat knew it was a lie. He wouldn’t even be asking her about any of this unless he had figured out that she had gone up to the attic window.

Her mind started to race, how did she take that back. Could she say, I’m sorry the first thing that came to mind and therefore out of my mouth was a lie? That didn’t sound good. Especially when the truth wasn’t good either. She’d get in trouble for lying to Nat. She’d get in trouble for going up to the attic. Now she’d get in trouble for both. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she was so stupid. She always did the wrong thing, she silently yelled at herself, because she was just stupid. Within a few seconds realization struck, as yet again, she was now doing something else she wasn’t supposed to because of this stupid no self-deprecating remarks rule. Stupid!

Oh, she had to get out. Alyssa could hear her brain telling her to run, as fast as she could. For maybe only the third time in her life, there wasn’t a single part of her that was disagreeing with that thought. All she’d ever end up being was a disappointment to Nat, a disappointment that got in a lot of trouble and couldn’t manage to follow rules. Why would he want that in his life? Why would anyone want that in their life? No, despite what he said, Alyssa knew better, and he’d kick her out just like everyone else had. It was better just to get out now, rather than to let herself trust someone, and be fooled into thinking they cared about her, all to have it shattered to pieces later.

Nat watched as a range of emotions and thoughts went through her all in about ten seconds. She had lied to him. He knew she had, and what’s more she knew that he knew. He could tell by her face. Her panic stricken face. While he had seen her with the deer in the headlights look before, he had never quite seen her this panicked and was beginning to wonder if it was cause for alarm.

He wasn’t given all that long to ponder on that as two seconds later Alyssa had leapt over the couch and was headed toward the front hall. He heard the closet/mudroom door open, and items start to shuffle around. He was only a second behind her, and with a wider stride, he caught up to her just as she was starting to yank open the front door for an attempt to make a mad dash into the still white out conditions.

Reaching above her, Nat pressed firmly on the solid oak door and shoved it closed. He could hear the frustration of Alyssa pulling at the door knob before he even looked down at her. She had braced her feet against the door jamb, and was using all her strength, in an attempt to pry the door open from his hold on it.
Shaking his head to himself, Nat said quietly, but sternly, “Alyssa, you aren’t running out in this kind of weather, we’ve already had this conversation.”

His rebuke didn’t stop her attempt, if anything it increased her efforts, as he could now hear her muttering under her breath, giving words of encouragement and small pep talks to herself. Raising the tone of his voice, Nat attempted again, still keeping a firm hold on the door, as he said, “Alyssa Marie, you know it is far too dangerous to go out in this weather!”

It very much surprised him that this time his words had seemingly no impact. Typically the increase in tone would provide some result. Again, if anything, it only helped fuel her effort. Returning back to the quiet tone, Nat gave one last attempt before going to his plan B, which he really didn’t want to use. “Alyssa, I want you to stop this foolishness right now, you know that you can’t make it safely home at this moment.”

“Wanna bet?” he heard her mutter under her breath.

By this point she had climbed up onto the wall, both feet literally off the ground, in order to give her more leverage as she attempted to pry open the door. As the dead bolt had been previously unlocked, and her hands had never left the door knob, the latch was already open. The only thing that was preventing the door from opening was Nat holding it in place.

Sensing that they had reached the point where Alyssa wouldn’t see reason through talking, Nat contemplated moving onto to the next option. It was one that he really didn’t want to go to, but seemed like the only alternative at the moment. Yes, he could take hold of Alyssa and simply carry her into the living room, with her kicking and screaming the entire way, toss her on the sofa, and stand over her until she got the message. It seemed very familiar, he mused to himself. Probably because that was exactly what he had done the first day she was here.

No, there was something that had caused this to happen. He knew well enough that the minute he turned his back she’d be racing towards that door again. It wasn’t the most pleasant of options, certainly not the way he wanted to end this little episode, but he wasn’t coming up with any other ideas. He sighed, saying “all right,” quietly and to himself. Then took a step back, simultaneously removing his hand from the door.

Well, to her great surprise, Alyssa did get the door open, and very fast. It flew open hitting the adjacent wall, and she went with it, slamming right into that same wall, causing her to let go of any hold she had on the door knob, before she slid down to the floor. Nat stepped forward and closed the door, locking the deadbolt, along with a slide lock that was at the top of the door, added for extra security, which also had the added benefit of being too high for Alyssa to reach.

Alyssa watched as he pushed the top lock into place. Now she’d never get out of here. On top of that, she’d gotten herself into even more trouble. How did she always manage to do this? She never meant for things to turn out this badly, well not usually, but they always seemed to. What was she supposed to say?

If there was one thing Alyssa was sure of, it was that Nat would want an explanation. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what happened, she knew every detail. But what made perfect sense in her head, it never seemed to make as much sense to other people once it came out of her mouth. Oh she was such an idiot. She didn’t even care that she was breaking a rule by thinking that.

When he turned he found Alyssa still sitting on the floor, rather dazed.

He squatted down so that he was at eye level with her, “what was that all about?”