The Deep Freeze - A Nat and Alyssa Story Part Eleven

[naughtylilgirl09]

The Deep Freeze Part Eleven
A Nat and Alyssa Story

“I’m not a bad person,” she said through her tears, “I promise, I’m not.” With those words out, she burst into fresh sobs, and he automatically pulled her back towards his chest, and did the only thing he could think of, did what was instinctive. He held her close, rocking her back and forth, letting her know that he loved her.

She cried herself past exhaustion, until she fell asleep. When he was sure that she was sleeping, in a restful slumber, Nat closed his eyes, letting his thoughts from the day, from the past weeks, months, years, work through his mind until he too drifted off.

It was close to five when she awoke. Nat felt her stir, and pulled himself out of the groggy, half-asleep, state that he had been in. It seemed to take a moment for her to realize where she was. Once she did, she looked up at him, then down at her lap. “I’m sorry about earlier,” she said quietly.

“I know you are,” Nat said to her. “But I think we need to talk about something else, just talk, I promise.” He waited a beat, and then watched as she tilted her head up, and looked at him. “I do not think you’re a bad person, Alyssa,” he said to her, watching her eyes to make sure she understood.

She did believe him, that much, he could tell. “I never have, even back at state when you were annoying me, and being a brat, and taking up my time, and coming to me telling me all the things you were doing, and how you just realized they were against the rules. So you were just wondering,” Nat made air quotes when he said ‘just wondering’, trying to do a good imitation of her voice, before switching back to his own, “if there was some random person who, hypothetically was running a gambling ring about things in their classes, exactly how much trouble they could get into. That was one large headache, mind you, but I didn’t hate you.”

She started giggling at the memory, Nat couldn’t help but give a small smile. He certainly hadn’t smiled then. There certainly had been a lot that went on. Ruffling her hair, he continued, “No, Alyssa, I may have thought a few other things, but I never thought you were a bad person, and never hated you.”

“Like what other things?” she asked him. You walked right into that one, he thought to himself.

Sighing, as he recalled the memories, Nat said, “oh, a lot of the time, I didn’t understand you. You would leave my office, or hang up the phone, and I’d think to myself, ‘what the heck was that? Did that really just happen? Overtime, I came to think of you as something that needed guidance. You needed someone to point you in the right direction, someone to say ‘no’, when you wanted to go off and do something that was absolutely ridiculous. Someone to give you a good kick in the pants to get you started on things. Particularly things that you didn’t want to do, but that had to get done.”

He looked down at her and saw her smiling.

“But never a bad person, Alyssa. Ever. Not then, not now,” he said. “Does it seem to you, that I think you’re a bad person?”

“No,” she said, “I don’t know, I’m not sure, I just…I’ve, you’ve never punished me so much in one day before.” Her tears started again. Nat guided her in close.

“Ah, I see,” he said to her. “Well,” he said, still not losing that quiet voice that he had maintained throughout the entire day. “Alyssa, I told you that this would be a longer and different punishment than any other. It isn’t because I want to be mean to you, or because I think that you’re a bad person, or because I enjoy punishing you. We’re doing this for one specific reason. I know these smaller things seem inconsequential to you. You got an iced tea instead of juice, milk or water. You didn’t tell me about it, and I almost didn’t notice. I know you’re thinking, so what, it’s iced tea.”

“But what happens, Lyssa…I know you’ve met my family briefly, and will get to know them more throughout time. However, you’ll see that as my daughter grew up, I made sure that she never got away with any untruth. I watched her like a hawk, made sure that for everything she told me there was proof to back it up. I made sure that she learned that the only thing acceptable is the truth, even when it comes to things as small as what you’re drinking.”

“Which meant she spent a good deal of time being very unhappy with me.” Nat heard Alyssa giggle at that. He looked down and smiled at her, continuing, “it wasn’t till much later that she began to understand the reason I was so strict with her those early years. Understand and appreciate, because what happens, Lyssa, is that when someone gets away with something very, very small, such as selecting and drinking an iced tea, when it was not something they were allowed to pick as a beverage.

What happens is that person begins to think that it’s okay to lie, to break the rules. They got away with it, once they can get away with it again. Over time, things graduate from iced tea to their whereabouts on a school night, to grades or money, or the status of a project at work. The have gotten away with it once, so they think they always can.”

“You, young lady, already think that you can, that’s why this is so difficult for you. It’s why you rebel against it. What I want you to learn from this punishment, over all, and it could be over the next few days, who knows, is that none of the behavior is okay. Because these smaller things that you usually get away with, only lead to bigger things that can, and will, land you in trouble.”

She nodded, and Nat could tell she sort of understood, not totally.

Approaching it from a different angle Nat said, “Up until now, Alyssa, I’ve punished you when you’ve lied to me over large things. A lie that had severe consequences for someone else, or a lie about your health, something like that. What I’ve realized is that it isn’t fair to you, to a set a rule stating that no lying is allowed, that I expect complete honesty from you. But then only punishing you when you lie to me over large things, and continuing to allow you to lie, not even blinking when you lie to my face about smaller items. That stops now.”

Again, he saw her hesitant nod. Nat thought for a moment, attempting to come up with something to help her understand. “The first summer you spoke to me with a modicum of respect,” he began, and watched as she turned red. Laughing, despite himself, he shook his head, reached up and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“If you had to take a guess, how many times did you tell me that you had turned in your project to Professor Krane?” If he thought she was red before, she turned the color of a tomato at that moment, and all of a sudden found the floor to be incredibly interesting to stare at.

Smiling, Nat hooked a finger under her chin and pulled her head up till they were at eye level with one another. “Not mad, Lyssa, just using it as an example. Just guess for me, okay?”

He watched as she got the serious frown on her face that always appeared when she was going over events in her mind, trying to recall things so she could come up with an approximate answer. “Five or six, at least,” she finally said.

“Okay,” he said, not letting go of her chin. “And so five or six times I believed that your history project was completed, turned in, and waiting for a professor to grade it and submit the grade, from the previous fall, no less. And there we were two semesters later, finishing the summer term, about to start the next fall semester, and five or six times you told me that you’d turned in that project, so five or six times I called or emailed that professor trying to nudge him into submitting a grade. It was getting closer and closer to the end of the summer semester.” He could tell how bad she felt just by looking in her eyes. “So what happened, eventually?”

“Eventually,” she began. “Well, do you want the whole thing because that is kind of long and you don’t really like how about two thirds of it goes and I’m not sure I should get into that, or,” seeing the look on his face must have told her what answer he was looking for, because she figured it out quickly.

“Right. We were in your office, and you were wondering why Professor Krane hadn’t gotten back to you, and, like, why the grade hadn’t posted. I think you asked when I turned it in, or something about the paper specifically. And I was just, oh, I was going to finish it that weekend. You were really ticked off, and ordered me to go finish it that moment. And I did, if that counts for anything?”

Nat pulled her back towards him, it was obvious she felt bad. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, little one. Just trying to give you an example, that’s all. Five or six times you had told me that paper was done and turned in. When I caught you in the lie, I yelled at you, quite harshly, if I remember.” He felt her nod her affirmation of that fact into his chest. She never forgot being yelled at, he’d learned that overtime. “If you had told me the truth in the beginning,
he continued quietly, speaking to the small girl who’d buried herself in his chest, “I would not have been happy with you, but I doubt I would have been as harsh.”

He felt her nod again. She was still embarrassed about that whole incident. While he used it a lot for examples, and continually told her it was in the past, he forgave her, that he was over it, part of him did wonder if that was true. A lot of their interactions were fuzzy in his memory, as he considered himself to have normal human like memory.

Unlike Alyssa who remembered every detail of every little thing, making it seem as though she had some super human type memory chip implanted in her. No, he didn’t remember everything, but he remembered that day. He’d nearly been shaking with fury. There had been a handful of those days, and he remembered each and every one of them.

Shaking the topic out of his head, he continued. “Another example,” he continued, “more current one. Why did you choose iced tea, when I specifically told you the three options and it was not one of them?”

Alyssa glanced up at him and then looked down at her lap before saying, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t?” Nat asked, feigning shock. She shook her head, not looking up at him. “Well, I guess we need to give you some time to think, don’t we,” Nat told her, lifting her up and carrying her into the kitchen, straight into the corner.

Once she had planted her feet on the ground, he let go of her. “Cross your arms behind your back,” he told her, waiting until she complied. He gently pushed her all the way into the corner, until her nose was as far wedged in there, as possible. “I’ll check back with you in a bit,” he told her, giving her bottom a light swat. He started to walk away, but made it less than two steps before he turned and went back over. Standing just behind her, he said, “oh and Alyssa?”

He watched, as she turned her head to look at him, then, as an afterthought, forced herself to go back to staring at the corner, then a few seconds later moved her head half way to look at him, and then quickly turned back to staring at the corner. Nat could hardly suppress the chuckle.

“You may continue directing your eyes toward the wall,” Nat told her, moving even closer, and giving her shoulder a light squeeze. He knew if he didn’t tell her which one to do, she’d drive herself crazy thinking about it. He wanted her mind focused on other things. He was proud that she did attempt to figure it out, even if the attempt was comical, and hoped that was communicated by the friendly gesture.

“I want you to keep in mind that deep down, you know the answer, and we both know that. So when you say you don’t know, you’re digging quite a hole for yourself, as you’re disobeying by not answering, and lying to me. Just keep that in the back of your mind.”

This time Nat did walk away, but he didn’t go more than ten feet. Leaving Alyssa in the corner, he went and sat down at the kitchen table. There had been instances where he had left her in time out by herself, but today was far too different. He planned to keep his eyes on her at all times if possible.

After five minutes, which was probably one of the shortest time outs that Alyssa ever experienced, he called her over to him. She was about to say something, but he stopped her. “Before you say anything, young lady,” he was already lifting her up and placing her over his knee, “let’s take care of those last two items. Disobedience and lying.”