The Thaw Onto The Freeze - Part Thirteen (FINAL)

[naughtylilgirl09]

The Thaw onto the Freeze - A Nat and Alyssa Story
Part Thirteen (Final)

Nat hated himself for what he had just done, the punishment he had just doled out. Alyssa was sobbing, her body tense and rigid. He was fairly sure that she was borderline, if not already hysterical. Alyssa had grasped hold of the sofa frame throughout the punishment, but now she was holding on so tightly that her knuckles were nearly white. Leaning over her, nearly covering her body with his, Nat placed his hands on top of hers, and talked to her. He attempted to calm her down, promised that it was over, that she’d be okay, and anything else that came to mind, all while trying to peel her fingers loose from their tight grasp.

It took a little bit of doing, but Nat managed to remove her hands, from their hold on the frame, and then lift Alyssa from the sofa. Nat scooped her up into his arms and went over to the larger chair, grabbing a blanket as he went. His original plan was to get through the entire list that day. Up until twenty minutes ago he had intended to stay with that plan, after all, there were only two things remaining. Seeing the state that Alyssa was in, he quickly changed plans. He skipped time out, or having her stand with her nose against the wall, or keeping her over the sofa until she calmed down. She wasn’t in a place where she could handle any of those, it was evident. He wasn’t about to be cruel to her.

Alyssa was too upset to realize what was happening, she hadn’t yet realized that he had carried her over to the large easy chair. Sitting down, he carefully placed her on his lap, making sure that bottom didn’t touch his denim covered legs. The moment she realized where she was, Alyssa immediately curled up into his arms, burying her face in his chest and continuing to cry. Nat just smiled to himself as he draped the blanket over them both, propped up the legs on the recliner.

Carefully, he removed the safety pin from the collar of her shirt, so that, when she did stand up, her skirt would fall back into place. Even more carefully, he attached the safety pin to his own collar, so as not to lose it, doing so by feel as he was without a mirror. Once he was sure the pin would stay, without poking Alyssa or himself, he reclined the chair a bit and then wrapped his arms around the small girl, telling her exactly what she needed to hear at that moment.

“Okay, you’re okay,” he said quietly, as he rubbed small circles on her lower back and held her close as she continued to cry. “It’s okay, baby girl, I know it hurt, but it’s done, you’re okay. Just cry, sweetheart, it’s okay, let it out. We’re just going to stay here for a while, little one. I’m going to hold you for as long as you need, okay? Try and relax, you’re going to be okay.”

Even as he spoke he could feel Alyssa’s body beginning to relax, the tension was going out of it. Her sobs were quieting, her breathing going back to a normal pace. Nat looked down at her after a few minutes and saw that she was fast asleep. Second time in two days. It was what she needed. He pushed the back of the recliner down a bit further, ready to doze himself.

Hours later, Alyssa woke up, groggy, once again, and struggling to remember exactly where she was. Every time that she fell asleep, after being punished, she found that she fell into a very deep sort of sleep. Not the kind of sleep that she typically experienced. She typically never felt one hundred percent rested after sleeping. However, after receiving a spanking, crying and just allowing all of those emotions to surface, it put her right to sleep, and a very deep sleep at that.

She was in Nat’s arms, they were in the living room. For the life of her, Alyssa didn’t remember how she got from bending over the back of the couch to being here, with Nat holding her. He must have just taken me over here, she thought to herself. Why don’t I remember that? I remember crying. I remember the pain, I thought I was going to die it hurt so much. Alyssa bit her lip and glanced down at, what would be, her lap, if it wasn’t covered by the blankets. It seemed to be an automatic habit, when she realized she had done something that she shouldn’t have. And boy, did I ever, she thought to herself. I remember hating Nat at the end. He didn’t deserve that.

She felt him begin to wake up, indicated by him sitting forward, just a little. When he noticed she was awake, he looked down at her with a smile. “Hey sweetheart,” he said, “how are you doing?”

Nat glanced down and noticed that Alyssa was awake. Giving her a smile, he said “Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?” He could never have predicted her response, which was to burst into tears. Unsure of what was going on, he sat all the way up in the recliner, and did the only thing that he could think of. He pulled her in close, guiding her head towards his chest and held her as she cried.

“What is it, Alyssa,” he asked, when he could tell the tears were tapering off.

“I’m so sorry, Nat,” she said to him, before starting to cry again.

Sorry? Had she managed to get herself into more trouble while she’d been sitting on his lap? Was that even possible? He didn’t think so, but he also knew better than to put anything past Alyssa.

Rubbing her back, he soothed her, making shushing noises until this wave of tears quieted. “What are you sorry for sweetie?” He pulled her away from his chest this time, so he could see her eyes. So much was said in her eyes that was not communicated any other way.

“I, I, I was mad at you, I hated you at the end of when you finished paddling me, and I’m so sorry, because I don’t hate you, and I don’t know why I even thought that!” Alyssa threw her hands up in frustration, before practically throwing herself back against his chest, and sobbing again.

Nat smiled, and did his best not to laugh. She really was like an innocent child sometimes. “Lyssa, sweetie,” he said, continuing to slowly massage her lower back, and hold her close. When her tears quieted down, Nat took it as a sign that she could hear him at that point, so he continued. “Lyssa, I’m not mad. Thank you for the apology, it was very kind of you. But, I wasn’t mad at you.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know,” he heard her voice, now small, and with a childlike quality come from his chest.

Nat smiled again. “You’re right, I didn’t know. But if I did, I wouldn’t have been mad at you. That reaction was very natural given the situation, there would be no reason for me to get angry with you. Do you understand?”

A few seconds went by, before Nat heard her very small, timid reply of ‘no’. He had a feeling that is what it was going to be. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was after 6. While he wanted to put her fears to rest, over the matter, he also wanted to be sure that she ate dinner.

“I’ll tell you what,” he pulled her in a bit closer, but angled her body so he could see her face this time. “I will explain it, and answer the one question, which is really forty of them, after we eat dinner. Until then, just know that I’m not mad at you, and I forgive you for hating me, and there is not a single chance that I’m getting rid of you.”

Nat stood up with her in his arms. “You’re not going anywhere, kid, except the kitchen to help with dinner.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead, and started to walk towards the other room. He stopped briefly by the couch, “toss the blanket on their, would you?” Lyssa laughed at that, and took the blanket that was half covering her, half trailing on the floor, rolled it up and threw it on the couch. Hearing her laugh made him feel a lot better.

It was a simple dinner, soup and sandwiches. Easy to prepare. Nat made the soup, and he let Alyssa make the sandwiches. It was the first time she had been allowed to make any part of a meal since the incident during the White Out. A few days into that first storm Alyssa had prepared one of the meals, as she had been doing. Nat was appreciative of her helping out, and he had found out that she enjoyed cooking, so it seemed to be an ideal scenario.

However, in her moment of boredom, she had dosed the soup with shots of alcohol. She’d confessed right away, Alyssa never could live with guilt on her mind. Nat had punished her thoroughly for her actions. But along with the very-deserved spanking, he’d also forbid her to prepare any meal since then. So now, even making sandwiches, with him right there, it was a big step and it was quite obvious it made her happy.

Nat was aware that they hadn’t addressed everything for that first semester, he’d already decided that they wouldn’t finish the list that night. While she had been punished for a number of things that day, Alyssa had to be able to recognize that she was also forgiven for those things. It was the only way she’d be able to let go of the guilt. So, Nat had decided to extend her the privilege of preparing meals again. On a probationary basis, of course. He was in the room, and she wasn’t doing the whole thing. But he was well aware, that to her, it was huge.

He brought the two bowls of hot soup to the table, at the same time that Alyssa brought over the plate of sandwiches. They both selected their own drink before taking a seat at the table. Or, in Alyssa’s case, attempting to take a seat. She sat down in the chair and then shot right out of it, fast as a rocket, hands clasped to her bottom.

“Remove those hands, Lyssa,” Nat said nonchalantly, as he blew on a spoonful of soup. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as she struggled for a moment, but did remove her hands.

“Could I eat standing up,” she asked tentatively?

“No, you may not,” Nat replied. “if you’re going to eat at this table, you’ll do so with proper manners, which means sitting at the table.” This time he focused his gaze directly on her. “And you will eat your dinner at this table, Alyssa.”

She nodded and said quietly, “yes, sir.”

Nat went back to eating his meal, but watched from his peripheral view as Alyssa, very slowly tried to lower herself onto the chair. She was successful at sitting down, though it took her a good three minutes to do so. Nat saw the tears at her eyelids ready to fall. He was pretty sure one or two had already.

It was nearly laughable how slow she was moving, either that or a great testament to how much pain she was truly in. Nat went back to eating his own meal while Alyssa very, very slowly moved to pick up the spoon. Just as she got it into her hand, the huge clock in the hallway, boomed out the loud chime for 6:30, interrupting the silence that had filled the kitchen.

While they both jumped a bit, when Alyssa did so, she landed back in the chair with great force causing her to once again go shooting out of it, hands clutching her backside.

This time, when Nat glanced up at her, she removed them. He took note of the tears streaming down her face. “Alyssa,” he said, “why don’t you use one of the other chairs?” They never did have a matching set of chairs in his house. He was sitting the one that had wooden slats on the seat. The one that Alyssa had been made to sit on earlier in the day.

Alyssa had been attempting to sit on one that had a shiny wooden veneer seat, quite an unfortunate place for anyone with a recently punished tush. The remaining two had pillow like upholstered seats.

Alyssa switched the chairs, and slowly lowered herself onto the somewhat cushioned one. While it still obviously wasn’t the most comfortable, it was bearable. She picked up the spoon, filled it with soup, looked like she was going to blow on it, as Nat had done, but then surprised him. “Thank you,” she said to him.

He automatically raised his eyebrows, he hadn’t expected that. “For what, sweetheart?”

She had swallowed the soup and was waving her hand in front of her mouth indicating that she needed it to cool down. When she finally did swallow she looked at him with a small smile, but he could tell it was sincere, and replied, “for letting me switch chairs.”

“Of course,” Nat replied. There was something else there, he knew it. But she didn’t appear to want to talk about it and he didn’t think that it was a good time to pry. So, he made a mental note to come back to it at another time.

They ate in silence for another few minutes and then Alyssa spoke up, “so what else are we going to, like, discuss tonight?”

Nat shook his head, still chewing. Holding up his finger to indicate that he needed about one more minute, he swallowed and then looked over at her. “We’re done for the day.”

“But there are more things on that list,” she said, he noted her tone was starting to go up, meaning it would reach the level of shrill quite quickly.

“Yes, there are,” Nat said to her, putting down his spoon and looking her square in the eye. “And, we will be addressing them. You will feel the consequences for those actions, Alyssa, your fanny is going to feel those consequences for a good long time, I promise you that.” He saw her face go blank. It was a look that didn’t worry him though. It meant that she didn’t know what to expect, so she didn’t know how to react, so she wasn’t going to have any expression. That was all.

“Tonight, though, we are done.” She opened her mouth to speak but Nat shook his head. It must have been one of her wiser moments because she closed it. “Do you remember when I explained about how I wanted you to know exactly why you were being punished? So that when you looked back you would be able to say, I was punished this way but it was because I did this thing that was wrong, but I took responsibility and accepted my punishment and was forgiven, and have grown. Nod if you remember us talking about that?”

Alyssa nodded.

“Good,” Nat reached over and took her hand, pulling her out of the chair. Since she had finished eating, he pulled her towards him, giving her the relief of getting her bottom off the chair, and lifted her up onto his lap, knowing that holding her would make her feel safe. “You’ve been punished a number of times today, Alyssa.” He began, making sure he phrased everything just right. “You’ve taken those punishments exceedingly well. I’m aware, young lady, that you have a very high pain tolerance. But it wasn’t just the physical pain that was part of the punishment, it was psychological, emotional, admitting your wrong doing, confronting…yourself really. Those are not easy things to do.”

He stopped and looked at Alyssa for a moment, he could see tears glistening in her eyes, but also comprehension, so he knew she was with him so far. “When you asked me to help you with the issues of guilt that you feel, you put your trust in me. Trust that I could and would help you, that I would be able to understand and not just think you were absolutely nuts,” he heard her laugh at that one. “Trust that I would take this seriously and do so in a way that would truly help, and trust that I wouldn’t harm you.”

By this time, Alyssa had snuggled into his chest, but he felt her nod her head.

“I, in turn, trust you. I trust that you’re telling me the truth, that you are sincere when you say that you want help with these things, that you do truly want to change your life for the better, that you care about me like I care about you, that you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me, and I trust that when you ask me to do something like you have, that you’ll be able to trust me and not argue about everything. To understand that there is one person in charge, and it isn’t you.”

Nat was surprised when he heard a muffled, “I do understand, its just hard sometimes.”

He gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you for telling me that sweetheart. Now, at the end of that last paddling that I gave you, you were hysterical, almost past hysterical. So I made the decision of how to handle that situation. I didn’t march you over to time out, I didn’t put you in the corner. I didn’t make you stay bent over the couch until you calmed down. I picked you up and held you, because it was what you needed. But it also told me, that you had reached your limit on what you could endure for one day. Even if you feel differently, I want you to trust me on this. If I were to have you bend over the side of your bed and give you a belt whupping for one of those last items, all that would do is send you straight back into hysterics, sweetheart. There would be no point, to it. You would not connect it, whatsoever, to the action that caused you to earn the punishment in the first place.”

“I think I understand,” he heard her say.

“Well good and you know you can ask me questions if you need to,” Nat replied. “But that’s why there will be no more spankings for you, tonight. However, after we clean up in here, I think I know the perfect way to explain our earlier conversation.”

He felt her body shift a bit, and when he looked down, found that he had been correct, she had moved so that she could tilt her head to look up at him. Alyssa was smiling again as she asked him, “story?”

Tapping her lightly on the nose, he replied, “yes, sweetheart, story. Now, be a good girl and load the dishwasher for me, ok?” He kissed her head once more. Feeling her nod, he lifted her off his lap simultaneously saying, “thank you.”

While Alyssa loaded the very few dishes into the dishwasher, Nat took a few minutes and collected the paddles, hairbrush, ruler and other items from the living room, putting them into a box that he stuck into the hall closet. As far as he was concerned, they didn’t need to be out in the open, reminding Alyssa that there were further punishments that she would have to face. He didn’t really need the reminder either. As he closed the hall closet door, Alyssa entered the hallway, coming from the kitchen. She had just finished the dishes.

“All right sweetheart, let’s get you ready for bed, hmm?” Nat spoke, knowing that he had asked her, but aware that she knew it wasn’t a question. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he walked with her up the one flight of stairs. It was slow going, but he didn’t rush her. Just went as slow as she needed. As they reached the top of the stairs, Nat spoke quietly, “all right sweetheart, brush your teeth, change into your night clothes, I’ll meet you in your room in a few minutes, all right?” When he didn’t hear a reply, he looked down and saw Alyssa looking up at him. She smiled and nodded. Then broke away from his embrace to enter into the bathroom.

Nat ducked into his own bedroom, changed into a pair of flannel pajama pants and t-shirt that he typically slept in, and then threw a sweatshirt on as well. He flossed, brushed his teeth, basically got ready for bed, everything he had told Alyssa to do. He could make the educated guess that she would want him to stay with her until she fell asleep. Half the time, by the time she fell asleep, he fell asleep too, so it was easier to just stumble back into his own room and crawl into bed, not have to worry about brushing teeth and all that. Grabbing an extra blanket, he walked down the hall to Alyssa’s room. It was getting colder in temperature and he wanted to be sure she had enough blankets to keep her warm, didn’t want her to get sick.

Normally he would have knocked before entering but she had left the door open, so he just walked in. When Nat entered Alyssa’s room he found her already in bed, on her stomach, of course. Walking over to the bed, he placed the extra blanket at the foot of the bed. Unlike earlier in the day, this time he had brought the cold cream with him. While it was true that there were still more things to be addressed, she had behaved well throughout the day, she deserved the relief that the cream would bring her.

Showing her the jar, he motioned for her to pull the covers back, and then flipped up the bottom half of her nightshirt. Gently, slowly he massaged the cream onto her wounded cheeks. Even the pain relieving cream was painful at that point. Towards the end, he could see it did alleviate some of her pain and she began to relax. Once finished, he screwed the lid back on the small jar, wiped his palms off on his sweat pants, and then nudged her over just a bit, so that they both could fit on the small bed.

He was surprised at how cold the room was, and made a mental note to check the ventilation system in there. “Are you cold, sweetheart?” He asked her, already reaching down to the foot of the bed to retrieve the extra blanket. Unfolding it with a quick toss, he draped it over Alyssa, despite her answer that she was not cold. He could see her shivering slightly. Sitting back down next to her, this time kicking his legs up onto the bed as well, he pulled part of the blanket over himself. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before Alyssa was snuggled up right next to him. She always caused him to smile, an amused chuckle or two, which he did then, untying her ponytail and running his fingers through her hair. Never, ever had he met someone like her, and he was nearly one hundred percent positive he never, ever would again.

“All right,” he said to her, “I believe I was going to tell you a story, right?” He looked down at her with a smile. She looked right back up at him, smiling wide. When he moved his head back upright, Alyssa moved hers back town into the pillow and he continued running his fingers through her hair. Another thing he had discovered that helped her relax. He gave a small shake of his head, alerting himself to the reality of the situation. Sometimes he still had trouble comprehending it. He shouldn’t, but he did. The way she had just looked up at him. It was so, so childlike, youthful, innocent, it had been like staring into the face of a seven year old child.

“All right, let’s see. Well, since you felt a good deal of that huge paddle today,” he looked down and saw her make a face, “why don’t I tell you about one of the summers when my brothers and I went to stay with my godfather? He was the headmaster at one of the top rated boys prep schools in the country. Oh, he was also our uncle, just happened to be my godfather. Uncle Charles. Never married or had kids of his own. He always said that he had 200 sons in every class to look after, that was more than enough.” Alyssa giggled at that, Nat glanced down and saw her eyes clearly communicating that there was a thought she was not sharing.

“Yes?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

She giggled again, and then said, “that’s kind of like you with all of your students, right?”

Her thought brought a large smile to Nat’s face. “I suppose you could look at it that way,” he replied. “However, I don’t interact with students the way my godfather did. He really was a parent like figure to all of the students there. I do not play that role for students. You were the exception.”

Looking down at her, he saw that she was blushing. Tapping her on the nose, he told her, “see? Being special and unique isn’t so bad.” That brought a smile to her face which put Nat’s mind at ease. He settled himself down onto the bed, sliding down a bit further, taking Alyssa’s second pillow. He was nearly laying all the way down, with her half attached to him.

“After you finish the story will you stay with me till I fall asleep?” he heard her ask?

“I imagine that’s possible,” Nat told her, as he had planned to do so already. “Give me some of that blanket.” He said with a light tug on the other comforter that she had wrapped entirely around her. When she laughed aloud at this, Nat found himself smiling broadly. Her laugh. It occurred to him that he didn’t hear her laugh, hardly ever, anymore.

It was a small, playful, tug-of-war, but he managed to steal a few of the comforters from Alyssa, though she still had most of them. Settling back down, now laying down completely, he immediately felt Alyssa fly to his side, wanting that embrace, needing it really. He smiled, and put his arm around her, squeezing tight before starting to brush his fingers through her hair.

“All right, where was I? Oh yes, summer. My brothers and I, four of us, to be exact, we used to go spend at least part of the summer, sometimes all of it, with our uncle. It meant that we’d stay on the campus of a private boarding school, it was all very fancy to us, we thought it was an adventure every time. Not that we didn’t always get into our share of trouble. We all had a knack for doing that. One weekend my brother Michael and I were bored out of our minds. There weren’t many scheduled activities during the summer, and Uncle Charles always had a lot of work to do. We were expected to find ways to entertain ourselves. There were a few guests that had arrived on the campus, one of them happened to bring along a daughter who Tom, the oldest of all of us, had the biggest crush on. He would take her for walks around the campus, and sit at lunch with her. That was a very big deal back then.” Nat heard Alyssa giggle at that and he had to laugh a little himself, especially given all of the things he saw happen on the college campus.

“This was the fourth or fifth time that this girl and her mother had been to the campus that summer. We didn’t know who she was, or who her mother was, but Mike and I decided we’d have some fun. Tom was packing up a picnic basket, we assumed that it was for lunch for him and this girl he had a crush on. I can’t believe I don’t remember her name. Anyway, when he wasn’t looking, Mike and I put frogs that we had captured into the basket, it was right before he was about to leave the kitchen so he didn’t check, or open the top to put anything else in.”

He heard Alyssa groan like she knew where the story was going.

“We followed behind him, making sure he didn’t see us. We couldn’t get a great view, but we saw him go up on a credenza like structure. I didn’t think of it at the time, but it should have struck me as odd, because every time he and, Lillian, that was her name, every time they had eaten lunch, it hadn’t been out in the open like that. We attempted to hide, but couldn’t see very well, so we ended up, literally, hanging out of a tree, to try and see what was going on.”

“Well, it wasn’t just Tom and Lillian. It was her mom, our Uncle and a few other adults. We knew there was going to be trouble. We tried to scramble out of the tree, to get to Tom before the basket got opened. But, of course, it didn’t happen. Lillian’s mom opened the basket, to see what had been prepared for lunch, a giant frog leapt out at her. She screamed so loud, I think, the entire campus could have heard her. Mike and I fell out of the tree laughing. Our Uncle knew right away what had happened. He arranged for everyone to eat actual food in the dining room. Then Tom, Mike and I were marched in there, in front of everyone. The group of adults had been the governing board for the school.”

“Oh that’s bad,” he heard Alyssa say.

“Yes, it was really bad,” Nat commented. “All three of us were marched into the dining room, and made to apologize to the group. Which we did, and we were sorry. Then we all had to lower our pants and shorts, bend over and grab our ankles and count out the strokes as Uncle Charles, at that moment, Headmaster Charles, walked back and forth. Twenty Five each, and then an additional twenty for Mike and I.”

Nat heard Alyssa suck in her breath. He reached over and ran his fingers through her hair, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “I know that paddle hurts, sweetie, from personal experience.” She looked up at him and nodded. “Plus,” Nat continued, “my uncle swings the thing a lot harder than I do.” He raised his one eyebrow and gave her a pointed yet comical stare, which made her laugh. He ruffled her hair a bit and then continued.

“I made it through the whole 20. My brother Mike lost count when he stood up, so he was told that the twenty would start from the beginning.” Tom and I were standing, face against the wall, and weren’t allowed to right our clothes, or leave, until everyone had been punished. Mike made it through the twenty, I think my uncle wasn’t swinging as hard the second time around, but you wouldn’t be able to convince Mike of that.”

“We were all told to right our clothes, and then come stand in the front of the room. Now, when I said that at the moment he was not Uncle Charles to us, but Headmaster Charles, it was because…well, this was in front of the governing board. Pretty sure that you figured that out on your own though. The other reason that the switch from Uncle to Headmaster is significant, though, is because there is a sort of routine that all students at the school must follow when receiving punishment. We were being treated as students, in that instance, we all were familiar with the discipline and rules of the school. About, maybe, thirty percent of the time we were there, we were disciplined as students and not as nephews.”

“At that point, the routine was that you are supposed to thank the individual that punished you for doing so. The oldest of all of us, Tom always seemed to go first in every situation. He stepped forward and dutifully thanked our uncle. I remember him being red as a tomato from the embarrassment. The girl he was crushing on just saw him get paddled. Uncle Charlie shook his hand and sent him to his room. Mike was still livid. He stepped forward and stated that he was thanking him because he was forced to, but that he hated him and never wanted to see him ever again.”

Nat heard Alyssa gasp at that. “What’d your uncle do?”

“My uncle,” Nat chuckled. “My uncle put his hand on Mike’s shoulder and said, ‘that’s all right son, we’ll talk about it later’ and asked him to go to his room.”

“That’s it?” Alyssa asked.

“That was it, for that moment,” Nat replied, looking down and tapping her on the nose. “Now are you going to let me finish this story?”

She wrinkled her nose looking embarrassed. “Yes, sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Nat said laughing. “I thought I needed to make up for what my brother did, so I thanked our uncle and apologized for my brother. Uncle Charles said that I didn’t need to worry about it, and we would talk about it later, for that moment just go to my room.”

“Room was really a generous and exaggerated description of where we stayed. It was a small dormitory, designed for six people. That summer we had the place to ourselves. Each person had a small area to themselves, which housed a bed, small space to store personal items, and a desk. There were walls on either side, but they didn’t reach the ceiling. All the buildings had really high ceilings. Think of…cubicle dividers in offices. Kind of like those, no door, though, just a curtain. We didn’t really speak to each other, just crawled onto our beds and rested, on our stomachs of course.”

“A few hours later our Uncle came into the small dormitory that we were all staying in. He just called out ‘Boys, come out here please, we all need to have a talk.’ Tom was out first, then me. Mike remained where he was. Uncle Charles asked where he was, we just sort of looked towards the small area that was his. We all thought he was going to get paddled again, or even possibly caned for what he did, speaking to Uncle Charles like that. Mike was terrified.”

“Uncle Charles just went over, pushed open the curtain to the small dormitory area, found Mike on his bed, curled up in the corner, shaking in fear. He just sat down on the bed and said, “Michael, come over here please?” He had indicated for Tom and myself to come into the small dorm as well. We were both huddled in the doorway, ready to dash out if there was any sign of trouble. Mike shook his head, refused to move from where he was, and stuttered out, ‘I’m sorry I said I hated you.’”

“It surprised all of us when Uncle Charles sighed. He motioned for Tom and myself to come into the room and take a seat next to him on Mike’s bed. We did so, still a bit worried that we were going to be punished again. Uncle Charles just talked though. He asked if we thought he was a cruel man? If we thought he enjoyed punishing us? We all said no. Even Mike. He asked if we knew why it was that he did punish us? We came up with the regular answers, to learn right from wrong, to help us grow, etc.”

“He said to all of us, that he wanted us to grow up to be stellar, respectable adults. That life’s consequences were never pleasant, and as a child you many times experienced these consequences in the form of a smacked bottom. Uncle Charles told us that, in general, the hope was that you would learn enough of the essential lessons, either through your own mistakes, and therefore suffering the consequences, or by seeing others do so, as a child, that by the time you were an adult, you would be prepared. Because the consequences for adults are much different than the consequences for children. By this time he had gotten Mike to come over to him, and he had pulled him into a hug. Our uncle told us that we could be sure he knew exactly how much a paddling or any kind of punishment he might give, he knew how much it hurt. He knew that in the moment it might not always make sense to us, or seem fair. That in that moment, we might hate him for punishing us. That was okay.”

“He hoped that we didn’t continue to hate him, that would sadden him. But it was understandable those few minutes at the end of a painful lesson why we might feel anger or hatred towards him or whoever was imparting the discipline. And it would always be okay to feel it, even to say it the way Michael had. It crossed the line to do so in a disrespectful manner, to act on it, to hurt the other individual. But it would never be wrong or punishable to feel that way. That it was normal, and we never had to worry about him punishing us for being angry or upset with him, or hating him for paddling or whipping us. That and if we were, he preferred that we go to him and talk about it.”

Nat looked down at Alyssa, “Do you understand sweetheart? In that time right after the end of your punishment, what you felt was totally and completely natural.”

She nodded.

“What is it,” Nat asked her. He could tell there was something there.

“I just didn’t like feeling like that towards you,” she whispered.

Nat put his arm around her, “you know what, I appreciate that. More than you know. And we can talk about this more tomorrow as well, or whenever you need to. But for right now, let me ask you this. Did the feeling pass?”

“Yes,” Alyssa answered, curling into his embrace.

“Ultimately, that is all that matters,” Nat said to her. “You have to accept that flicker of anger, of hatred, it’s a natural reaction to the very harsh punishment you received. But it passed. You can’t always control everything. But that reaction is not something bad, or horrible, it’s not something you need to apologize to me about, not something I’m going to punish you over. Frankly, if you didn’t have that type of moment, then I’d be a little worried.”

That got the laugh from her, and Nat could tell it made her feel better. “Okay,” she said. “I can accept that.”

“Good,” Nat said, “cause it’s all I got. Sleep now?”

Alyssa nodded, and Nat reached over and flicked off the light. He held her, as she needed the reassurance, always, after being punished, that she wasn’t going to be abandoned, and that she wasn’t a bad person, and that she was forgiven. Something had happened to her in her past, Nat didn’t know one hundred percent of what it was, she gave him brief glimpses of it once and a while, but most of the time he was left trying to figure out a lot of the intricacies by himself.

“Nat,” he heard her say, as a question.

“Yes, sweetheart?” he replied.

“What’s going to happen tomorrow?”

Her tone portrayed her nervousness. “Nothing horrific, I promise.” Nat told her. “I told you that you’d be feeling a good dose of my belt for IMing through an entire class, and we can probably add sleeping though at least half of your literature courses into that as well.”

“Okay…” she said.

Nat knew what she wanted to know about. “You’re more wondering about the really big item, the drinking, aren’t you little girl?”

He felt her bury her head in the side of his chest, or at least attempt to, as she nodded and said, “yes, sir.”

“Well, that is going to be one of the last things we address. It probably won’t happen until later this week. We have some other things to talk about, you disobeyed me a few times, you lied to me, all things that we’ll talk about throughout the week. Smaller punishments that, while painful, will give this bottom here,” he reached over and patted her bottom, causing her to squeal. He laughed. “time to heal a bit, which it needs to before we are going to talk about the drinking. But it won’t be horrific, you’ll survive it. And just like everything else, once the punishments done, I will have totally and completely forgive you. Okay?”

He felt her nod.

“Ready to sleep now,” he asked her.

She nodded again, and Nat just chuckled, making sure his arm was tucked around her, helping to make sure she didn’t turn over onto her backside. “All right then, kiddo, let’s try and get some sleep.”

There were a few minutes of silence, and then he heard, “Nat?”

In the dark he just smiled. Alyssa could never stop with one question, no matter how hard she tried. “Yes, Alyssa,” he replied.

“Why do you do this? Like, it takes up a lot of your time, and probably energy, and I’m a mess, and forever have drama and stuff. Why do you, you know?” she asked.

“Alyssa, you know what else my uncle told us that day, which is something that I believe as sort of a guiding principle?” He could feel her shake her head ‘no’. “He told us that he knew that things might not always seem fair, and that we might not always understand the lesson he was trying to impart, and that his punishments might seem horribly painful. But that we needed to understand one thing, which was, he wouldn’t do any of it, if he didn’t care about us. That it would be much easier for him to ignore our bad behavior, let us do whatever we wanted, go down roads in life we shouldn’t, get into trouble, do horrible things. It would save him a lot of time and headache. But he cared about us, and because of that, if he saw us breaking rules, or stepping out of line, he took the time to call us on it. To take us aside, paddle our bottoms, make sure we understood why, and hope that we learned something and would grow from the experience."

"That’s the same answer for you. It would be so much easier, trust me, so, so much easier, and I could buy a lot less Tylenol,” he heard her laugh, “if I just turned my head, acted like I didn’t see anything. But it would mean I didn’t care. I do care, which is why I take the time and energy, and headache medicine. Because I know you have amazing potential and I want to help you make sure you reach it. Okay?”

“Okay,” he heard her reply.

There were another few minutes of silence. Nat crossed his fingers hoping that maybe, this time she actually went to sleep. But then he heard, “Hey Nat?”

He bit his lip to stop from laughing. She’d go through twenty questions if he let her, tonight the max was going to be five. “Yes, Alyssa?” he replied.

“How is it that you’ll, like, forgive me when… you know, after I’ve accepted all of the…stuff…for the first semester? Or even all the semesters?” she asked him.

Nat laughed, he couldn’t help himself. “Alyssa,” he squeezed her in a one arm hug, “kiddo, repeat after me, okay?”

“Um,” she said nervously, “okay.”

“Spanking,” Nat said.

There was silence for a few seconds and then Alyssa stuttered out, “S-ssp-panking.”

“Good,” Nat said, giving her a squeeze of reassurance. “Try again, spanking.”

“Sp-aaanking,” Alyssa replied, without the pause, but still nervous and with a small stutter.

“Good,” Nat said, this time leaning down and planting a light kiss on top of her head. “Now, ask me your question again.”

“You know what,” Alyssa said quickly, “it’s really not that important of a question, I don’t need to know.”

“Alyssa,” Nat said, this time his voice becoming stern, “ask me your question again. If I need to, I can turn the lights back on, and you can go into time out until you’re ready, and then ask me while you’re turned over my knee.”

“No, I’ll do it,” Alyssa replied. Nat could tell from her tone of voice that she was very unhappy and holding back tears. “I’ll do it,” she repeated.

Alyssa choked back tears that were about to fall. “I’ll do it,” she said again, assuring both Nat and herself. Why was this such a big deal, she couldn’t help but wonder? Just a few minutes ago, she had nearly been asleep, Nat had told her a story, she pretty much had understood his point. He was holding her, and she felt safe and cared about. Now, he wanted her to ask her question again, he was making her. All because she hated saying the s-word.

Taking a breath, licking her lips, she closed her eyes and thought to herself, here goes nothing. “Nat, how is it that you’ll forgive me after I’ve…I mean, I have to start over. Um…how is it that you’ll be able to forgive me for everything about the first semester or all the school stuff, once I’ve…uh, once I’ve been spanked or accepted the consequences that you come up with and completed any like other type punishments like writing or something like that?”

She had done it. Sort of. Why did she have so much trouble saying that word? Please let him accept that, Alyssa thought to herself. Please. I don’t want to try to say that again. It couldn’t have been more than five seconds, really, but it felt like forever to Alyssa. The time it took before she found out whether she had answered the question okay. When she felt Nat lean down and place another kiss on top of her head, giving the embrace of a hug he had her in a quick squeeze, just by that she knew she had done all right. Right after he kissed the top of her head, when he said, “good job, Lyssa, I’m proud of you. I know that wasn’t easy for you.” That just made everything better.

She felt him straighten back up a little bit and waited, in the horrid silence, for him to answer. Alyssa hated the quiet. “It’s an interesting question,” he finally said. “Typically, when I am punishing you for something, I am upset with your behavior, or angry with you about something. You like to say that I am mad at you, not my favorite choice of words, but I suppose it fits. Therefore, once you take responsibility for the wrong doing, accept your punishment, apologize, it makes logical sense that I forgive you. And, I always will forgive you. But you bring up an interesting question since I didn’t even know you when some of this happened.”

He was silent for another few moments and Alyssa could tell he was thinking. “Well, I did know of you, since I apparently made your first schedule. Even without that fact, since I just found out about it today.” Alyssa laughed at that, she couldn’t help it. She felt Nat start to run his fingers through her hair again. For the life of her, she didn’t know why it helped her relax, but it did. “Knowing you now, or even back when I was your advisor, even if you were a total brat,” she heard him chuckle, “it was also very easy to see that you were and are very intelligent. Someone with a lot of potential, in one of the nation’s top schools. So, even though I didn’t know you during some of these times, the fact that we’re even discussing this behavior, that it happened, the thought of how many missed opportunities there probably are, it causes me to be disappointed in you. I expect a lot better from someone like you. To answer your question, when you’ve completed this very large mission, I will be able to forgive you, because you will have atoned for what happened, I will no longer be disappointed in your behavior and your choices.”

“Right,” Alyssa said, his words striking close to home. Do not cry, she told herself. Do not cry, you will not cry. “That makes sense,” she told him.

“That makes sense,” Alyssa told him. He could hear the tears that she was holding back.

“Alyssa, I want you to listen to me,” Nat said, wishing at that moment he had some power of night vision so that he could see her eyes. “Just because I’m disappointed with some of your behavior that took place in the past. Which is something that you are working to make up for, and I’m aware of that. But, just because I’m disappointed in behavior that is in the past, it doesn’t mean I’m not proud of you for many things that you do currently, today. I’ve seen you grow, a lot, from the person you were back in 2006. I know you’re not that person anymore. I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and everything that you set out to do. I want you to remember that, okay?”

This time, when she turned to bury her head into his chest because she was crying, she also flung her arm across him for a hug. It told Nat that he had said what she needed to hear. He rubbed her back while she cried, and prayed that was the last question she had to ask for the night. Apparently someone up there was looking out for him, because when he looked down at her a few minutes later, she was fast asleep.

Note to readers: I know it says ending in the title. This isn’t the end of the story. It will pick up under a different title. Hope you enjoy, love any feedback.